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Creative Cussing
By Robert Sloan
Let's raise the quality and inventiveness of curses! Why stick to a limited range when there's a wealth of obscenity available in the English language? American cussing is dull. There aren't that many naughty words and they get repetitively overused. Of course you can throw in racist or bigoted insults about minorities, but that just classes you with bigots -- what's a liberal in a towering rage to do? Go to the source of the English language for better, more colourful swear words. That's not a typo, they even spell the English language more colourfully. So the next time you want to make off colour remarks, turn to the much greater palette of British obscenity for a wider variety of words. You'll sound less repetitive and make your victims look stupid if they have to stop and figure out what you meant. There's more obscene body fluids involved. Take "Smeg." Where's the American equivalent dirty word for male ejaculate? You only see it in the cheap XXX books, and it's a misspelling of come. But you never hear it in an insult, do you? It's only used in its context describing sex when you need to keep the reading level down to third grade. "Smegging," now there you go, that's ugly. "Smeghead" gets personal and carries all sorts of amusing connotations about personal character. So does "Wanker," which carries the implication your victim can never find a partner for his erotic exploits in a thoroughly obscene way. Americans "wank" as often as Brits, but we don't have an insult term for solitary pleasure. Beginning to see the paucity of nasty words yet? Worst of all, because so many people don't get them, some of the nastiest slip right under the wire into polite company and get used as euphemisims when you'd otherwise be using something scatological. Take "bloody." Of course there's the possibility that's derived from the medieval religious "Christ's blood," or "S'blood" but it also carries a far more feminine, personal sort of body fluid simulated in tampon commercials with bright blue ink. Which no doubt leaves many young blokes wondering just what it is women secrete monthly and whether like cuttlefish ink, it could be refined, bottled and put in pens. You can't get more disgusting, intense, broad-ranging and colourful than British swearing. One of the better sources for a dictionary of English obscenity used to be a little pamphlet for fans of "East Enders" translating the slang and dirty words in great depth and detail. Wish I still had it, I'd look for the title on Amazon. But you may find something similar in a Google or Amazon search on British swear words. If you want to get intellectual though, and go right over the heads of those used to British cussing, there's a wonderful little book of Shakespeare's Insults available. I believe that one's still in print. Memorize a few of those, confuse your enemies and amuse your friends, especially if some of them are amateur actors. |
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Another option is to do a search on Google for swear words in sign language. Several videos are available. You can cuss up a storm like a deaf drunken sailor and no one will know unless you run into a deaf person.
CONTRIBUTOR'S REPLY
Now that would be fun! Besides, if anyone around knew sign, they'd appreciate it.
Having been raised in the in the midst of construction workers and loggers, I know the words and music, Robert.
Like everything else, there is a time and place like get a room!
Thank you for sharing.
Best wishes.
Frederick
CONTRIBUTOR'S REPLY
Yeah, but the Brits are so much more colourful about it. Gets dull sometime after senior year of high school.
I think I'm part of your intended audience, my cussing is definitely limited in it's scope and novelty.
CONTRIBUTOR'S REPLY
I watched way too much British television to narrow myself just to the American swearing. Especially amusing once I started finding out what really nastier words were making it past censors through pure unfamiliarity while much milder American ones got bleeped out.
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